1. Extend your vowels
One of the fastest ways to be more attractive to your man, in the moment, is to extend your vowels when you’re speaking.
If you’re constantly rushing through your sentences and speaking to him like you’re in a boardroom, then eventually he’s going to start seeing you as more of a work colleague than a lover.
But if you get out of your head, drop into your body, and slow down the pacing with which you speak, this will draw him more deeply to you in an instant.
Believe me… there’s a HUGE difference in how men receive, “You look nice”, and “Baaaabyyy…. you look so haaandsommme!”
And, it should go without saying, but don’t extend them to a comical/ridiculous degree. Just slow your speech down a bit compared to whatever your authentic, natural pace would be otherwise.
Sound too good to be true? Try it out. Don’t be surprised if he pounces on you and gives you all of the physical affection you could handle.
2. Invite him into his senses
More often than not, men are living in their heads.
One of the greatest gifts that the feminine can give to the masculine is to invite it back into the realm of the senses.
Say he’s rattling off numbers, and goals, and facts and figures to you (maybe recounting his day to you over a home cooked meal that you prepared for him), and you sense that he’s stuck in his head and not being very present with you.
You can counteract his headiness by offering him a spoonful of the food you made and saying, “Mmmmm… have you tasted this? It’s so fresh! Doesn’t it just dance on your tongue?” Or standing up, walking over to him, and kissing him on the cheek. Or rubbing his shoulders for a moment.
Anything you can do to bring him back into his body (by engaging his sense of smell, taste, touch, or sound) will work. And, in the moment that you do, he will see you as a gift. He will be reminded that he is with an embodiment of the feminine flow of life, and he will drop out of his head and into the present moment with you.
The feminine reminds the masculine about life. It reminds the masculine that life is happening, right now… not far off in the future when goals and accomplishments are achieved. But today, in this very moment. Be a positive force that brings him back to his body, and he will begin to associate his presence, groundedness, and connection to his body with your positive influence in his life.
3. Compliment him
While most men aren’t predominantly driven by praise, they still very much appreciate a genuine compliment from their lover once in a while.
In fact, because so many men are so used to being praise-deficient, when they do receive one, it can come as quite a shock and be twice as powerful (compared to someone who receives compliments on a regular basis).
There are two things you’ll want to compliment the most (as long as these things are actually true for you).
First, you’ll want to compliment things that you perceive as being most central to his identity. Second, you’ll want to compliment things that you believe he feels the least confident about. I will give examples of each of these two things.
Say your man feels heavily identified with the work that he does in the world (not at all uncommon for a modern man). When was the last time you complimented your partner in regards to his career? Have you told him that you find his passion sexy? Have you told him that you find his dedication to mastery in his work life attractive? Have you told him that you love how lit up he gets when he talks about his job? If not, why not? Again, you only ever want to deliver compliments that are 100% true for you, so if these themes aren’t readily accessible in your mind, set aside some time to think about what you see him as most identified with in his life, and then reflect back a compliment to him related to those themes.
Now on to the second type of compliments.
Everyone has insecurities. Man, woman, and child. Doesn’t matter.
What things is your unique man particularly insecure about that you are aware of? Are any of those insecurities mind boggling to you? For example, perhaps your man is self-conscious about his body because he’s gained a few pounds, and yet you love that he isn’t as skinny as he used to be. If this is the case, tell him. Let it be known. He may attempt to resist your compliment (‘You’re just saying that’) because your praise is touching on a soft spot for him… but persist with the compliment until you feel his position soften a bit. Even if he seems to only let it in 10% of the way, your words likely mean more to him than he is able to express to you in the moment.
Again, the compliment being genuine matters above all else. Don’t just say things because you think he wants to hear them.
Sit down, write up a list of things you love about him, and then make a concerted effort to bring one of those things to him once per week for a few months, and watch him grow in his confidence and his connection to you
4. Make your own pleasure and happiness a priority
Ultimately, there is nothing more attractive than a person who is brimming with their own authentic joy.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re in a rut lately, this can often lead to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction in a relationship. And, unfortunately, the only way out is through. If you feel misaligned, stuck, or stagnant in your life, you have to do the hard work of getting yourself unstuck. Only you know where your true bliss lives.
Maybe that looks like taking up a new hobby, like dance classes or engaging in tai chi in the park. Maybe you want to invest more time into your self-pleasure practice to become more intimately acquainted with your body and sexual arousal. Or maybe you want to re-structure parts of your life so that you can sleep in as long as you want to and never have to do anything before noon.
Again, your happiness = your responsibility. Just as his happiness is ultimately up to him.
When you prioritize yourself in this way, and set up your life so that you are brimming with joy, there is no greater gift you can give (to yourself, and to your partner). While I don’t subscribe to the ‘happy wife, happy life’ saying (as it reeks of codependency and emotional enmeshment), there is something to be said about it being much easier to be in a relationship with someone who cares about themselves highly enough to put their own happiness first (versus someone who self-abandons and blames the world around them for their sorrow).
Remember, you are both ultimately responsible for your own happiness. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and neither are you. You’re responsible for getting your own needs met, and once you do, you can bring your resulting joy to the relationship as the gift that it is.